


No control

by Demonqueen82



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:13:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4769705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demonqueen82/pseuds/Demonqueen82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/U after that little talk between Shep & Joker</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/U after that little talk between Shep & Joker

"Baka!" she mumbled under her breath as she kicked the bag with full force. "He is a baka, stop letting this bug you. You are suppose to be above this kind of petty bullshit. Why am I putting myself through this?" she whispered as she fell to the floor, her legs finally giving out under her. 

She had been down there for hours hitting and kicking the punching bag. She could feel the sweat dripping down her back.

"Lola, you done punishing yourself?" James asked as he sat down next to her. He had been watching her since she came down.

"No, I am a total baka." she told him. They had gotten to know each other over her six months of confinement. She trusted him with knowledge that she had been unable to talk to Garrus or Tali about. He might flirt with her but she knew that he had put her in the untouchable sister zone and that's where she liked to be.

"I hate it when you speak Japanese. Why are you a idiot?" he asked putting his arm over her shoulder.

She leaned into him and took a deep breath. Honestly she would rather have Tali or Miranda to talk to but he would have to do.

"I swallowed my pride and sort of asked Joker if he has or had ever considered me an option only to be completely turned down for that fucking sex bot, EDI. I liked her more when she was just a fucking voice." she told him refusing to look at him.

**_Flashback_ **

_Joker leaned back against the bar._

_'Speaking of which, watching from the sidelines. What do you think about me and EDI?"_

_The smile froze on her face and she suddenly had a hard time swallowing. **EDI, the sex bot. You baka. God, goodbye pride I knew you well. Go for it Raven.**_

_"You know with all the interest in EDI, it's possible you've overlooked other options." she spoke calmly but underneath her heart was going a mile a minute._

_"I've never really considered it, Commander. No offense."_

_"And now that you've thought about it." **Please don't let that sound too fucking desperate. Pride is completely gone. Will be looking for a deep fucking hole to bury myself in once this is done.**_

_"I've served with you from the day you took command. I'd follow you into hell."_

_"But not my quarters." **Will someone kill me and put me out of my misery.**_

_"Chain of command Shepard.In an alternate dimension without military ranks, I would rock your world."_

**_End Flashback_ **

James stared at her in complete disbelief. He thought for sure that the pilot had the hots for Lola. He had seen his eyes follow her around more than once. Hell Joker even warned him not to get interested in her in that way when they had met during her time in the brig.

"I knew he was loco." he said earning a laugh and slight smile.

"Thanks for that. It just completely and utterly sucks. I have not been in a relationship since before I joined the SR1. it has been years since I even had sex. There were guys I was interested in but no one that could make me laugh. I turned down Liara because I am not interested in chicks. Kaidan was not the kind of guy that I have ever been interested in. Too much drama plus he was under my command. Even now I would still turn both of them down. Luckily Liara is head over heals in love with Feron but I think she is a little curious about Javik. Kaidan still doens't completely trust me due to Cerberus. I never let Jacob or Thane get too close. Jacob is happy with his woman and Thane....is gone. Garrus and I are best friends and that is something I never want to lose." she stood up and jumped on the balls of her feet for a moment.

"Damn." he whispered standing next to her.

"I finally said to hell with it, let go of my pride and tried. The only guy besides Garrus that in all of this stinking universe that I could and have let get close to me. That I have actually fallen for would rather have a fucking sex bot instead of a living, breathing woman." she nearly screamed the last part.

He watched her for a moment before realizing that her knew punching a bag wasn't enough for her right now.

"Hey Lola, let's dance." he said bumping her shoulder as he heading for the sparing mat.

She laughed and brushed the few tears that escaped away.

"Sounds like a really good idea. let's dance."

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm done Lola. I think you broke me." James said laying flat on the mat, covered head to toe with a layer of sweat. He had removed his white t-shirt after their second round thinking that it might distract her a little. He should have known that it wouldn't do a thing.

"I see that she didn't break your mouth." Steve said from the sidelines.

They had gotten quite a crowd during the third round. Garrus, Joker, EDI, Doctor Chakwas, Gabby, Ken, Samantha, Steve, Kaidan, Tali, Adams and Javik had all made themselves comfortable as they watched Shepard kick his ass.

He had tried not to laugh and failed when Ken started taking bets on how long it would take her to beat him.

She laughed as she walked over to where Garrus was standing. He was holding a towel and a bottle of water that she knew were for her.

"Commander Shepard, I have a inquiry. It seems that even though you have exhausted yourself physically to the point that you seem to be ready to collapse, your emotionally stress level seems to be increasing. Usually your stress level decreases when you do this. Is there something that is upsetting you that you are unable to let go of?" EDI asked.

James lifted his head to look over at EDI, shocked she would dare ask her something like that when so many of the crew were around. The sex bot, as Shep had called her, was sitting extremely close to Joker. If she had been human he would have sworn that she was trying to show everyone that he belonged to her. Part of him wondered if she was trying to tell Shep that no matter what she didn't have a chance but he didn't think the bot would be that stupid.

She glanced over at EDI quickly before turning her back on all but Garrus.

"My emotions or anything that I am dealing with is none of you fucking business sex bot." she snapped.

Garrus handed her the towel that he was holding. He brushed a stray red hair that seemed to have escaped her braid out of her eyes. He could see the hurt and anger in them. He stayed close to her so that if needed he could grab her if her control broke and she went after someone.

Everyone was completely shocked about the amount of venom that was is Shepard's voice. No matter how annoyed or pissed she could get, she never snapped at anyone. She always had control over her emotions.

"Raven, you need to calm down." Garrus said softly to her. Only a few people were allowed to call her by her first name. he was one of the chosen few. He could see that her eyes were starting to fill with tears.

"Shepard! What the hell!?' Joker exclaimed.

"I didn't think a simple question would be upsetting." EDI stated.

Refusing to look at anyone but him she whispered, "Please get me out of here."

Garrus stared at her for only a moment before leading her to the elevator, which was luckily on this floor. The door had barely closed when she lost control of her emotions and burst into tears. He carefully pulled her against him, happy that he had removed his armor before going downstairs today. He wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face against him. She rarely cried, so he rubbed her back and slowly unwound her hair out of the braid to run his talons though it. His best friend was for some reason hurt and seemed to be heartbroken, he wanted to take apart whoever was at fault.

"I will not ask, just know that I am here if you need me." he said softly as she clung to him.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Joker leaned against the wall, his legs were starting to hurt after standing for so long. Cerberus might have helped making it so he didn't need to use crutches but standing for a long amount of time still bothered him. He had enjoyed watching Shepard beat James.

"Umm, what just happened?" Gabby asked looking around at everyone.

"Shepard just went off on EDI." Samantha replied. Even she was surprised about Shepard going off on EDI but at the same time she was floored at EDI asking what she did in front of so many people.

"What did you do?" Tali near growled at Joker and EDI. She had noticed the two of them being closer than usual and unlike everyone else she knew Raven's feelings for the smart mouth pilot.

"How is this my fault?" Joker asked feeling confused. A few weeks ago, Raven had suddenly stopped coming to visit him. If she needed something lately she would send a message, speak to him over coms or have Samantha talk to him. She even ignored EDI. EDI had not gone on a mission for the same amount of time.

"Jeff, we should return to our station." EDI said trying to get them to leave.

"Don't want to admit that you were being a snarky bitch do you EDI?" Kaidan said. He knew exactly what she had been doing and was pissed off.

"Hey hold on Kaidan. She wasn't doing that, were you EDI?" Joker asked turning to look at his girlfriend.

EDI refused to look at him or answer.

"You are beyond belief EDI." Tali said as she and the others got in the elevator and left her with Joker.

"Explain." was all he could say.

"There is nothing to explain. I just had an inquiry. I should have waited to speak with Shepard alone but she rarely comes to see either one of us." EDI said. Part of him thought she was lying to him but he couldn't be sure. He was about to call her out on it when his omni-tool pinged.

"We will have plenty of time to talk about this later. We are headed to the citadel for mandatory shore leave." he told her.

EDI was thankful for the distraction from the discussion. Part of her knew that she was being petty. Joker had chosen her, no matter what Shepard might feel for him he had chosen her. She suspected that he had feeling for both of them when they were going after the collectors but until a few weeks ago he had never acted on them. If he knew that the commandor felt something for him as well, EDI truly believed that he would end their relationship.

* * *

A clone. A fucking clone that tried to take over her life. Well, a dead clone now and Brooks would never cause anyone problem again.

The shore leave had started out great. Anderson had given her his apartment and she had agreed to meet Joker for something to eat. Part of her had hoped that the two of them could talk without EDI being around or listening in.

The night had ended with her dangling out of the Normandy, luckily Garrus and Tali had been there to pull her up. She had given the clone a chance but it would rather end its life. Brooks had nearly gotten away but Garrus shooting her had stopped that.

Now she was sitting at her console in her apartment debating who to invite to a party that James thought she needed to throw.

She had just got back from having a beer with Garrus, well really she had a beer and helped Garrus hit on some woman.

She wanted to invite Joker but the thought of seeing him with EDI was killing her.

"Shepard, you are going to give yourself a headache." Liara said coming into the room. She had stopped by to visit and was not surprised to see that Joker and EDI were not on the guest list for the party.

"I know. What am I going to do?" she asked honestly.

"Invite Joker and the sex bot. I will keep the bot busy so that you can talk to him privately. Everyone is seeing that something is going on with you. Shepard, Kaidan and I both noticed that your control over your anger has gotten worse. You are snapping at people that care about you." she said placing a hand on her shoulder.

She gave Liara a small smile and turning back to the console she sent invites to her friends and crew, even Joker and his bloody sex bot.

* * *

 

The party was going well. Everyone was having a good time. She noticed that EDI was in a conversation with Liara and Javik. She sent a private message to Joker to meet her upstairs to talk away from the music. Once she saw him nod his head yes she headed upstairs.

It didn't take him long to join her in one of the bedrooms.

Shutting the door behind him, he just looked at her unsure who should start.

"I want to explain some things." she started.

"Okay." he said watching her closely as he sat down.

"A couple weeks ago we were talking about you ever considering me.." she started.

"Raven, I know you were joking about that. EDI explained that you told her that you have never seen me that way a long time ago. That you were just trying to help the two of us get together." he told her.

"What?" she was shocked. "Joker, I have never spoken to EDI about you at all. In fact the one time she tried to bring up the two of you together I told her no."

"Ummmm." he looked very confused.

"I was serious when I said that to you. I have been interested in you for a long time. I had a crush on you when we were going after Saren but I never acted on it because it would have been fraternization even if I wasn't completely Alliance." she felt the knot in her stomach slowly release. She was pissed at EDI but she needed to get this out before she confronted the fucking soon to be out of order sex bot.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" he spoke softly. part of him wanted to be his snarky self but he knew that it wasn't the time for that.

"Honestly, I wasn't sure that you saw that me way at all. You never really looked at me. We joked around and talked but you wouldn't look at me. Karin was the one that told me thought you blamed yourself for me getting spaced. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable about me having feeling for you on top of everything else."

"But you flirted...."

"I have always flirted with Garrus, even when we were going after Saren. I keep trying to see if turians can blush and he returns the favor. So far its Garrus in the lead. Haven't succeed getting to see the blush but I will one of this days."

He laughed finally showing a real smile.

"So you were serious about asking me if I ever thought about the two of us together and I, of course being my usual self, told you no." he said.

"Yeah, it hurt my pride and that's why I have really wanted to be around you or the sex bot." she told him crossing her arms in front of her.

"She knew that you had feeling for me didn't she?" he asked already know the answer.

"She is the Normandy. I have talked about this with Tali before so it wouldn't have been hard to overhear me. I just wanted you to know that I don have feeling for you. I just wanted you to know. I am not expecting anything from you, I will have to accept that you choose to be with her not me. I just want to warn you that my control isn't what it use to be so I doubt that I will ever have her go on any missions with me. Might be tempted to blow her ass apart." she said with a straight face.

"Raven...."

"That was a joke. Maybe." with a grin she left him in the room. Feeling slightly better than she had in a few weeks she grabbed a drink off the table and went to mingle.

Joker watched her leave and fell back carefully on the bed. Finding out you commanding officer is interested in you, has been for years possibly and your current girlfriend lied to you about this knowledge so that she could be with you was a lot for him to take in. He figured he would just lay there drinking for awhile.

Part of him wanted to call her back to the room and have them forget that he was involved with EDI for the rest of the night.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sorry about not going into detail for the Citadel DLC but its long and hopefully by now you have played it so you know everything that happened.


End file.
